No Doubt, Any Time
by Nicolle
Summary: The Ma Sho never get a day off. Not with Aunbis finding things for everyone to do and... Ye gods! Someone help Dais!
1. Tragic Kingdom

TITLE: No Doubt, Any Time

  
  


BY: Nicolle Brandle 

  
  


DISCLAIMER: The Ronin Warriors/Yoroiden Samurai Troopers belong to Sunrise. The songs and lyrics "Tragic Kingdom," "Spiderwebs," "Just a Girl," and "Sunday Morning" belong to No Doubt. Please do not sue me. I can barely afford student loans and a wedding as it is.

  
  


DEDICATION: This is dedicated to Ryan, Julia, and Penn State's Anubis fan board, who contributed ideas and got the jokes. This is also dedicated to No Doubt, for helping my screwed up mind lose a few more marbles.

  
  
  
  


Tragic Kingdom

  
  


The rain poured from the flood gates of the sky onto the muddy road between the corn fields. The water ran like blood through the irrigation trails between the corn rows. Mandala slammed her fist into Salak's face. He fell to the ground, mud splashing over his body. "Welcome to the Tragic Kingdom."

  
  
  
  


Part One:

Please find your seats as we will be taking off soon.

  
  


"Good morning, Kyra." 

Kyra jumped the last couple steps of the stairs as she came into the dining room. "Good morning, Anubis." She looked at the table where Anubis was sitting. Two tea cups sat in front of the book he was reading. One Anubis was drinking out of, the second was still full. "Who is the other cup of tea for?" 

"You." 

Kyra sat down next to Anubis and took a sip from the still full tea cup. "Thank you." 

"You are most welcome." 

She sat up straight and looked at the book over Anubis' shoulder. "And what have you found of interest today?"

"Oh, Kyra. You know that Carrot Top always finds something obscure and very boring to read," Dais said from the kitchen.

"Keep talking, old man, and I'll show you the fury behind my red mane."

"Both of you stop it! I don't care if it's boring or not, I'd like to know." Anubis gave Dais his best cruelly smug smile. Kyra promptly smacked him on the arm. "I said, STOP IT!" Dais laughed and Kyra shook her head in exasperation. "I give up."

Anubis smiled. "We're always this way, you should know that after living with us for the past four hundred years. Anyway, the book is about the 'Tragic Kingdom.'"

"What's that?"

Anubis pushed the book over so Kyra could see it. "The Tragic Kingdom was dreamed up by Lord Saber Stryke. It's original name was 'The Land of Corn' because that was where the food for Talpa's 'living' army came from. Saber Stryke was going to take the land and make it a kingdom of his own and try to defeat Talpa from there by cutting off the food supply. It would have worked if Talpa hadn't given up his living army for the demon soldiers he used to attack the mortal realm."

"So what happened to it?"

"Apparently, after Saber Stryke died, the land became over run with corn. The corn dried out so as to be inedible. All that's there now is the corn fields."

"But why call it 'The Tragic Kingdom?'"

"Lord Saber Stryke had intended it to be a paradise, but when he died, his successor, Balor, let it fall to ruin."

"I've never heard of a Lord Balor," Cale said as he came into the dining room.

"Neither have I," Dais said from the kitchen.

"Balor wasn't a lord, he was a demon who took over when he found the opportunity," Anubis said.

"His lieutenant was Mandala, right? Talpa always complained about her," Kyra said.

"How do you two know about this and we don't?" Cale asked.

"We were Talpa's seconds in command, remember?" Anubis said.

"Do you really think he let you see everything we did?" Kyra asked.

Dais looked into the dining room from the kitchen. "Obviously Talpa made bad choices. Carrot Top going turn-coat and all." Anubis flicked his wrist and suddenly, his spoon smacked Dais in the face and fell to the floor.

"Sounds like a day trip," Cale said.

"What?" Kyra looked at Cale.

"We'll go check out this 'Tragic Kingdom.' See if Balor is still there."

"Good idea. We can find out if the land is still viable for food production or not," Anubis said.

"Then lets wake up Sekhmet and be off," Cale said.

  
  
  
  


Part Two:

They pay homage to a king.

  
  


"What if Balor is still there, guys?" Kyra asked as she mounted her horse, Bindi. 

"So long as he's not causing trouble with us, I don't think it really matters if he's there or not. One less bit of land to worry about is fine with me." Dais said. Anubis and Sekhmet mounted while Cale secured the saddle on his horse. Soon they were off.

After an hour of easy riding, the gate to the Tragic Kingdom appeared on the horizon. Anubis and Dais took the lead as they approached the gate. The gate opened and a great wind blew out, trying to push the horses back. Kyra urged Bindi forward, ahead of Dais and Anubis. She went through the gate, followed by the other warlords. 

The wind suddenly died and the gate snapped shut behind them. Sekhmet and Cale jumped from their horses' backs and tried to pry the gate back open. Kyra noticed Anubis' lack of interest in the gate and followed his gaze out to the land around them. 

"Oh, gods," Kyra whispered. Cale, Sekhmet, and Dais turned to look at Kyra. She pointed to the land in front of them. Corn fields. Miles and miles of corn fields spread out before them. The wind stirred up again and made the corn stalks bow to the ruined castle in the distance, surrounded by rotting fruit trees.

They started down the road in front of them, heading for the castle. The horses hoofs sticking in the muddy road. Up ahead, Kyra spotted what appeared to be a body in the road. She urged Bindi into a gallop, the others not far behind. She pulled Bindi to a halt and jumped down to inspect the body. Anubis dismounted and held the body as Kyra rolled it over. Anubis took a cloth from his pouch and wiped the man's face. Dais gasped.

"Do you know him?" Kyra asked.

Dais nodded. "He is Salak. The Lord of Magic. He was my teacher." Dais knelt down next to the man and search for a heartbeat. "He's alive.

  
  
  
  


Part Three:

Whose dreams are buried in their minds.

  
  


Kyra held the cantine to Salak's lips. As soon as the water touched his lips, he reacted. He pushed the water away and tried to sit up. Anubis' hold on him prevented him from sitting up. His grey eyes moved from face to face, desperate and wild, until Dais grabbed his hand. Salak's eyes softened.

"Dais," he whispered, "My little illusionist. You've grown up." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Let me sit up." Anubis let go and Salak sat up straight.

"What happened?" Dais asked. 

"The land went bad."

"What?" Kyra said.

Salak looked at Kyra. "You must be Lady Kyra. A girl beating all the Ronin's into submission before her. Mandala always wanted to meet you." He laughed. "This, child, was once a magical place. Over time it was lost to Balor's frozen ideas. He wanted nothing but to horde the wealth of the land in the castle. His only subjects now are the corn. Mandala's wind blows them over so that they bow to him."

"Mandala. She can do this?" Anubis asked.

"Yes. His dreams of vast wealth are buried in her mind. And so anyone who comes to the Tragic Kingdom is either pushed out or beaten into submission."

"And you were beaten, I take it?" Cale said.

"Yes."

"Why did you come here?"

"To stop Balor from trying to freeze the Nether Realm."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Part Four:

His tears are frozen stiff.

Icicles drip from his eyes.

  
  


A cold wind blew across the fields suddenly, making the corn bow to the castle. Mandala looked down from the castle walls at the five warlords surrounding Salak. 

"They will fight to get in. Disillusioned as they enter, they will be unaware what's behind the castle walls." She turned to the frozen body of Balor. His natural coldness freezing him through long ago. "It's written in stone. You will be overthrown by fools." She sighed. "It's a good thing you are already dead, Master."

She looked back down to the warlords. "Welcome to the Tragic Kingdom. Cornfields of popcorn have yet to spring open."

  
  


"We must get into the castle," Salak said, "And destroy Balor before he can freeze the entire Nether Realm!"

Anubis looked at Kyra. She immediately opened her mind to his influence. The Nether Realm is a warm, tropical area. It cannot be frozen. Not even Cale has that power. Anubis thought. Kyra nodded her agreement. Let's go along and storm the castle. We'll find out why after we've done so. Kyra thought.

Cale caught Kyra's attention. Well?

We go. Kyra answered.

Anubis helped Salak up. 

"What is the best way to storm the castle?" Anubis asked.

  
  


Part Five:

Welcome to the Tragic Kingdom

  
  


Mandala raised the portcullis. "Let them see what's inside."

  
  


"The gates are open, Salak," Anubis said, "What does that mean?"

"Mandala must have seen you coming and given up," Salak said.

If what I've heard Talpa say of Mandala is true, then it's not bloody likely. Kyra thought. 

Anubis raised an eyebrow at her. Kyra, you know better than to use such language.

Bite me.

Will the two of you stop it? You're giving me a headache. Sekhmet complained.

"Do we go in or not?" Cale asked. Anubis looked at Dais. Dais looked to Kyra. Kyra nodded.

"In we go!" Dais said.

Anubis took point with Kyra and Dais behind him, Salak in the middle, Sekhmet and Cale taking up the rear. A woman taller than Anubis stood in the courtyard. She wore no armor, no fancy dress, or embelished uniform, just a simple kimono. The kimono was white with flowers embroidered over the silk. Her long brown hair swept the floor, and her large brown eyes glittered. 

"The Castle of Corn welcomes the five Ma Sho of Talpa. But, I must ask you to leave," she said.

"No, Mandala. We will not leave until we have destroyed Balor!" Salak screamed.

Anubis stepped forward. "Forgive him, he is being exceptionally rude. Would you mind telling us why we must leave? Surely if we are welcome, then there is no reason to leave."

"There is a great evil here, Oni Ma Sho Shuten. It consumes the land and makes it cold."

"It is the evil caused by Balor!" Salak tried to jump Mandala. She side stepped him and he fell, sliding in the mud. 

"You only wish to destroy Balor so you yourself can control the evil within these walls, Salak. Balor's frozen body is all that remains to hold it in check," Mandala said.

"Go on," Kyra said.

"Balor cast a spell that holds the evil here in check. But the spell caused him to freeze solid. His frozen body holds the spell in place."

"And that's what will happen to you if you don't watch out, Cale," Sekhmet whispered.

Suddenly the warlords froze and looked at Sekhmet. "Did you just insult Cale?" Dais asked.

"Did Hell just freeze over?" Anubis asked.

"What's going on?" Mandala demanded.

"Sekhmet just insulted Cale," Kyra said, "That's never happened before." Kyra turned back to Mandala. "Where's Salak?"

Suddenly the sound of ice cracking boomed loudly in their ears. Frozen pieces of the demon Balor rained down on the warlords. 

"You fool!" Mandala cried, "The spell is broken!" The ground started to rumble underneath the them. "Quick! Out into the fields!"

They turned and the portcullis slammed shut. Anubis grabbed Kyra and jumped to the top of the battlements, followed by Mandala and the other warlords. He set Kyra down and they all jumped to the ground as the walls started to crumble underneath them. They beat it back to the horses and the gate.

Anubis and Kyra turned and looked back. A cloud of dust covered the remains of the castle. When the dust settled, figures appeared to be crawling out of the ruins. 

"What is that?" Dais asked.

"Those are the people of the Land of Corn. They died when Salak made the corn inedible. Their dead bodies started coming back to life and eating the bodies of the still living. Balor had all his minions trap the dead under the castle. I was the only one who survived the task. That's why this is called the Tragic Kingdom. The bodies of those who once lived in this land have become monsters," Mandala said.

"How do we stop them?" Kyra asked.

"They can't be killed because they are already dead. The best we can do is trap them and hold them."

"Salak is the cause of this?" Dais said.

Mandala nodded. "He was searching for a way to defeat Talpa and take over the Nether Realm. This was what he chose to do."

  
  
  
  


Part Six:

Cornfields of popcorn have yet to spring open.

  
  


"How do you stop a bunch of the living dead from attacking?" Cale asked.

"It's unusually cold in this part of the Nether Realm. The cold is what is keeping the dead from decomposing. Am I correct?" Anubis asked Mandala. She nodded.

"So logically, if we heated things up a little, the bodies would decompose faster," Kyra said, "Dais, if you would be so kind?"

"Certainly, m'lady." He turned the slowly approaching corpses. "Web of Deception!" His web spun out as he weaved an illusion of unbarable heat. 

Kyra stuck the Staff of the Ancients into the ground. Anubis put his hand on her shoulder, to lend her his strength. The staff started to glow, the rings chiming. Sudden blast of energy from the staff ripped the rapidly decaying corpses into nothing. The army of the dead, fell to rest.

"That wasn't so bad, now was it?" Cale asked of Mandala. There was a soft popping sound to the left.

Kyra grabbed Cale's arm. "Let's go."

"What about Salak?" Dais asked. There was another pop.

"We are going," Anubis said, "Now!" Mandala opened the gate and they all ran out. The popping sound suddenly became louder and tons of popped corn followed them out. 

"Popcorn anyone?" Sekhmet asked.

Cale ate a piece. "Needs salt."

"What about Salak?" Mandala asked.

"We'll take care of him," Kyra said, "If he ever eats his way out!"


	2. Spider Webs

TITLE: No Doubt, Any Time

  
  


BY: Nicolle Brandle 

  
  


DISCLAIMER: The Ronin Warriors/Yoroiden Samurai Troopers belong to Sunrise. The songs and lyrics "Tragic Kingdom," "Spiderwebs," "Just a Girl," and "Sunday Morning" belong to No Doubt. Please do not sue me. I can barely afford student loans and a wedding as it is.

  
  
  
  


Spiderwebs

  
  


Salak leaned back against the gate. His bloated body about to explode from the massive amounts of popcorn he had consumed. "I'll have my revenge! If I can ever stand again..."

  
  


Part Seven:

You think that we connect.

  
  


Mandala laid asleep on the sofa, her head resting on Dais' shoulder. Her long brown hair had been carefully laid over her shoulder so as not to get tangled while she napped. Dais looked 

up from the book, his eye following the trail of her hair. He looked up at Anubis, whose red top was bent over a book.

"Anubis!" Dais whispered loudly. Anubis peered over the top of his book, only letting his blue-green eyes show. "Look! 'Porphyra's Lover!'" Dais picked up Mandala's hair and wrapped it around her neck.

"Her hair isn't long enough, Cyclopes. Porphyra's Lover wrapped her hair around her neck three times to strangle her." He looked back down at his book.

Dais sighed and sat back. "Sometimes I wonder if you're even thinking on the same wavelengths as the rest of us, Shuten." Anubis looked up at the sound of his birth name. He set his book down.

"You think that we all connect? That the chemistry between us Ma Sho is correct? Dais, your words walk right through my ears." Anubis picked the book back up and turned the page. "Presuming I like what I hear."

"Rhymes are not part of this complete conversasion, Douji," Dais said. Anubis looked back up, eyes narrowed to slits. 

"It's the fact that we don't connect and that we are all so different from each other that makes us strong," Kyra said as she came into the room. She sat down next to Anubis on the love seat.

Anubis looked at Kyra. "Are you saying that we work well together because we all drive each other nuts?"

"We don't drive each other nuts," Kyra said.

Anubis and Dais looked at each other. "Oh, yes we do!" they both said.

"We've been stuck together for four hundred years now, guys. We're all still sane," Kyra said.

Anubis put his arm around Kyra's shoulders. "I'm sane, but I can't say the same for Dais."

"Hey!" Dais stood and Mandala fell to the sofa. Mandala opened her eyes and sat up. She looked around the den. Then her hand went to her neck.

"Why is my hair wrapped around my neck?"

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Part Eight:

Presuming I like what I hear.

  
  


Salak crawled across the ground, his bloated stomach slowing him down. He crawled a bit further and found he was at the top of a hill. He tried to position himself to slide down the hill, but slipped in the mud and slid down on his face. He looked up at the castle the warlords of Talpa lived in. 

"I've got you now," he said, then the smell hit him. He looked down and found he had slid into a pile of horse shit. He screamed in frustration.

  
  


"Did you hear something?" Cale asked. 

Sekhemt looked up from his lunch of bird eggs and small animals. "No. Cale, are you hearing things again? What have I told you about sniffing the lotus flowers?"

Suddenly a book went screaming through the air to smack Cale in the back. "Stop it! Dammit!" Anubis yelled.

"How does he throw things so accurately like that?"

The bookmark that went with the book suddenly came flying through the door and gave Sekhmet a paper cut across the knuckles. Not paying attention, he knocked his tea over. The lemon sitting on the edge of the cup fell onto the cut, letting lemon juice drip in. "OUCH!!!!!"

"What's going on in here..." Kyra trailed off as she looked in the door. She immediately assumed nothing was alright when she saw Sekhmet running around the kitchen like a chicken with its head cut off, his cut hand flailing, and Cale trying to massage his back against the wall.

Kyra pushed Sekhmet into a chair and took his hand. She poured some fresh water over the cut. Sekhmet yelled and pushed Kyra away. She kicked him in the shin. "Baby! Settle down! It's only a paper cut!" 

Kyra turned and grabbed Cale. She sat him down in the nearest chair and pulled his kimono down low on his back. Kyra rubbed Cale's back until it no longer stung from the book wound.

Anubis and Dais ran into the kitchen to see what Kyra was yelling about.

"Kyra! Are you cheating on me?" Dais asked, watching her massage Cale's back.

"Kyra cheating on you? I can't even imagine Kyra kissing you let alone going out with you. You'd have a better chance with Cale, Spiderman," Anubis said.

"I'd like to see that!" Kyra leaned back against the kitchen counter. "Dais and Cale kissing!"

"WHAT?!?" Dais and Cale said.

"No way," Cale said.

"Come on, guys. Any man secure in their heterosexuality would have no problem kissing another man. Unless your both afraid that you might have homosexual tendencies," Anubis said.

"You're secure in your sexuality? Prove it!" Cale said.

Anubis grabbed Dais and kissed him. Dais pushed Anubis away and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "See? Nothing to it," Anubis said.

"I can't believe he just did that," Sekhmet said.

"Do we now have to worry about you now, Anubis?" Cale asked.

"No you don't," Kyra said, "None of you can compare to me." Kyra grabbed Anubis and kissed him. "He's mine."

"Do I get a say in this?" Anubis asked.

"No." 

"Okay."

"What about me?" Cale asked Kyra.

"Oh, Cale! You can't tell me you *don't* find Dais attractive!" Kyra said.

Mandala came into the kitchen. "I really don't want to know. I just want a cup of tea." She poured herself some tea and headed for the door.

"Wait!" Kyra called, "Don't you think Dais is attractive?" she asked Mandala.

Mandala looked at Kyra. "To be perfectly honest, I find Shuten attractive."

"Anubis is a chick-magnet?" Cale asked, confused.

"He's intelligent, loves to read and write, an excellent fighter, and..., well..., beautiful," Mandala said. She blushed a bright pink color and ran out of the kitchen with her tea.

Sekhmet went out of the kitchen and came back in with a shovel.

"Go on, Cale! Kiss him!" Kyra said.

"Only if you'll kiss me, Kyra," Cale said.

"I am not kissing him," Dais said.

"Don't hit on Kyra," Anubis said.

"Yes you will kiss him," Kyra told Dais.

"NO!" both said.

"Anubis could do it, you can too," Kyra said.

"Anubis is starting to worry me," Cale said.

"Would you stop worrying if I took Kyra to bed?" Anubis asked. 

Everyone looked at Anubis.

  
  


Salak inched his bloated way closer to the castle. He slid down into the moat and was surprised when he didn't sink.

"Cellulite floats," he figured. 

He started swimming toward the castle. Suddenly the Lady of the Moat lifted the Hardrock/Halo/Turrent sword in the air and right through Salak's bloated middle. His stomach burst open and he flew out of the water and around the castle, not unlike a cartoon balloon.

  
  


"I thought we had agreed to stay out of that situation," Dais said.

"This has nothing to do with an actual love relationship," Anubis said.

"But would you have one with me?" Kyra asked.

"I would," Cale said. He took Kyra in his arms and kissed her passionately.

"I don't understand this," Sekhmet said.

"As if you hadn't seen this coming," Dais said.

"Well, no actually. You're the only one here who makes prophecies, Dais."

"Oh."

"Besides, I was talking about the conversasion. Not them."

"That started when Dais asked if Kyra was cheating on him...HEY! Will you two stop now?!" Anubis yelled. Cale had lifted Kyra up and had her back to the wall for support, her kimono slowly riding up her legs.

"Oh, sorry," Cale and Kyra said. Cale put Kyra down and they both smoothed out their kimonos.

"Besides, what about the rest of us?" Dais said.

"I'm not sharing," Kyra said.

"Eewww..." Sekhmet said. 

"That coming from a man who breeds *with* reptiles," Anubis said.

"Watch it, Carrot!"

"That's it," Dais said, "We're all out of here and I mean now." 

"What?" Kyra said.

"We're going to drive ourselves nuts like this. Let's go do something that doesn't involve me kissing Cale or Kyra on the kitchen table," Dais said, "Come on, lets go see if Salak ate his way out of the popcorn yet."

  
  
  
  


Part Nine:

Sorry I'm not home right now.

  
  


The Lady of the Moat threw the sword to Dara. It cut his head off because he was too busy watching Salak fly through the air. The sword and Dara's head landed in Gash's hands.

  
  


Cale helped pull Kyra up into the saddle of the horse with him. She sat in fromt of him and settled back against his chest.

"What happened to your horse, Kyra?" Cale asked.

"Aaa... Bindi got sick with horse flu."

"Horse Shit!" Dais said.

"I thought it was bullshit," Sekhmet said.

"No, it's horse shit because it's a horse, not a..." Sekhmet gave Dais a blank look. "Nevermind," Dais said.

"Let's be off then," Anubis said.

They were soon at the gate. The popcorn was gone. "Did he really eat it all?" Anubis wondered. "What do you think, Kyra?" When Kyra didn't answer, Dais turned in his saddle, "KAYURA!"

Cale and Kyra quickly broke their kiss. "Uh, sorry," Cale said.

"Kyra, get off his horse. You're riding with me," Dais said.

"Anubis... Don't let Dais make me..." Kyra whined.

"Get your punk ass over here, little girl," Anubis said. Kyra sighed and dismounted from Cale's horse. Dais pulled her up into the saddle behind him. "Now, where's Salak?"

  
  


Salak, not knowing of any other way to get in, walked up to the castle door and knocked. It was answered by demon. "Yes?"

"I, uh, am looking for Dais."

"Sorry, he's not home right now. It would appear him and the other warlords are walking into spiderwebs. So leave a message with me and I'll make sure he'll call you back."

"A likely story," Salak said.

"Would you like to leave a message or not," the demon said, impatiently.

Suddenly Salak's head fell into the demon's arms. Gash kicked Salak's dead body out of the way and said, "I'd like to leave a message. Tell Anubis that Gash is Back and Ready for Action." Gash then turned and jumped, flipping over in the air. He really did like inhabitting this new body.

  
  
  
  


Part Ten:

And it's all your fault.

  
  


"Okay. I guess it's safe to assume that Salak isn't here," Cale said. 

"Yeah, he's probably the size of a small hot air balloon right now," Dais said.

"If that's the case, then that's his trail right there," Anubis said, pointing to the mud slide.

"How old is the trail?" Kyra asked. Cale looked her, and they locked eyes.

"Oh, gods, not again," Dais muttered. "CALE!" 

"Huh?" Cale shook his head. 

"They look fresh, probably from this morning," Anubis said.

"He could have gotten to the castle by now!" Sekhmet yelled.

They spurred their horses off, heading for home at top speed.

  
  


Gash sat on the edge of the bridge over the moat and waited for Anubis to return.

  
  


As the warlords approached the castle, nothing seemed amiss. The put their horses in the stable. And to Dais' surprise, Kyra's horse, Bindi, did have the flu. They walked inside. 

"Master Anubis," the demon called from the hall.

"Yes?" Anubis said.

"A man came here for you." 

Anubis looked at the demon. "Who? One of the Ronin Warriors?"

"No. He just said to tell you that Gash is Back and Ready for Action."

"Gash...? GASH!" Anubis pulled the armor orb of loyalty out of his pocket. "Loyalty! To Arms!" His subarmor suddenly encased his body. "Armor of Cruelty! DOU CHU!" Anubis' armor of cruelty appeared and Anubis was suddenly, the visage of death.

"Anubis?" Dais said, "Why did you suit up?"

"I'll explain in as soon as I'm back." Anubis opened the front door and ran out onto the bridge only to come to a halt at the sight of the Bandicoot. It stood.

"I am Gash Bandicoot."

"What the HELL happened to you?"

"After you killed me, my spirit took over the body of this brainless fool."

"Why that ugly thing? At least if you took over Kento of 

Hardrock's body, you would have looked somewhat human."

"This is all YOUR fault! If you hadn't killed me the first time, I wouldn't be stuck in this spiderweb!"

"HEY!" Dais yelled from the door.

"Because of you, Anubis, I have nightmares of you running me through the back. Your visage wakes me in my sleep at night. My dreams become nightmares, 'cause the sound of your voice is ringing in my ears!"

"Don't blame it on me, furball. You're the one who gave me no choice. It was either you or Mia and Yulie."

"But you ran me through the back!"

"Oh, is that all your complaining about. Okay, I'll fix that now." Anubis swung the chain of his kusari-gama and it wrapped around Gash Bandicoot's neck. He pulled Gash to him and slash him open, his intestines decorating the bridge. "Happy now?"

"Yeah...thanks man..." Gash fell to the bridge, dead.

"Now, where the hell is Salak?" The demon came forward. He held Salak's head out to Anubis. "Uh, give that to Dais. He can frame it." The demon gave him a strange look and left. "Now what's left?"

"ANUBIS!!!" Kyra screamed. Anubis turned and ran back into the castle. Cale had Kyra up against the wall. Sekhmet was... well, use your imagination, but keep in mind that he likes reptiles. Anubis reach in the pocket of his armor and pulled out a can of whoop-ass. He opened it and threw the contents of the can unto Cale and Sekhmet. They both fell to the floor helpless.

"I can't leave any of you people alone for two minutes can I?" Anubis asked. Kyra took his hand. 

"Get that armor off, pretty boy."

"Why?"

"So it's easier to kick your ass."

"WHY?!?"

"I wanted you to get rid of Sekhmet, not Cale!"

"Wait a minute. You could have beaten Sekhmet to a bloody pulp easily. Why did you want me to get rid of him?"

"Get your armor off."

"Are you saying you can't fight me with my armor on? That's not the Kyra I know."

"Listen, why don't we go upstairs to do this."

"You're scaring me, Kyra. What's going on?"

"I'm not Kyra."

"What?" The world suddenly went black for Anubis.


	3. I'm Just a Girl

TITLE: No Doubt, Any Time

  
  


BY: Nicolle Brandle 

  
  


DISCLAIMER: The Ronin Warriors/Yoroiden Samurai Troopers belong to Sunrise. The songs and lyrics "Tragic Kingdom," "Spiderwebs," "Just a Girl," and "Sunday Morning" belong to No Doubt. Please do not sue me. I can barely afford student loans and a wedding as it is.

  
  


Note to all Dais Fans: I apologize in advance. Well, not really.

  
  
  
  


I'm Just A Girl

  
  


Part Eleven:

I'm exposed and it's no big surprise.

  
  


"Now look at what you've gotten us into!" Cale yelled from where he hung, chained to the wall. He tried to kick Anubis, who hung upside down from the ceiling, hands chained behind him.

"It's not my fault," Anubis said, as he tried to get his hands out of the chains. "How was I supposed to know it wasn't Kyra?"

"I'm still trying to figure out what Kyra sees in you," Sekhmet told Cale, from where he was chained to the wall.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Cale asked.

Sekhmet looked at Dais, who was chained to the floor under Anubis. Dais looked up at Anubis.

"Wait a minute," Anubis said, "I am not getting into that damn arguement over the size of my manhood again."

"Why not?" Dais asked. "The way you're hanging now, we can't tell if your excited or not."

"Don't get him started, Dais," Cale said.

"Start what?" Anubis asked, his voice the barest rasp, eyes narrowed to bare slits as he looked at Dais.

"Why can't you just bury the hachet, Anubis?" Cale asked.

"Oh, I'll bury the hachet," Anubis said, "In Dais' head!"

"Guys, there's a snake crawling on me," Sekhmet said.

"So?" Cale asked. 

"No...there's a snake crawling on me!"

"What?" Anubis turned his head to see a snake crawling over certain unmentionable parts of Sekhmet's body. "So what's your problem?"

"If he starts--" Cale said.

"Shut up!" Dais yelled.

"Okay, whoever our capture is, would you mind taking the snake off of Sekhmet?" Anubis asked the air.

"But, he enjoys it," the air answered in a sweet feminine voice.

"He may enjoy it, but having to watch it would be cruel and unusual punishment for the rest off us," Anubis said.

"But cruelty is your specialty. Surely you can take what you dish out." The door opened. Mandala walked in.

"What the hell?" Cale said.

"Okay, Mandala, what are you trying to pull?" Dais asked.

"Only the take-over of the Nether Realm."

"No, I mean, why are we naked?" 

"My subscription to Playgirl ran out." She looked up. "My, my, Shuten, you are a BIG one, aren't you? And in this position one can't really tell if your excited or not."

Anubis closed his eyes and tried not to scream.

"Why is he hanging upside down?" Dais asked.

"Well, he is the closest you Ma Sho have to a leader. His wisdom of the Ancients can't help you if he's constantly going in and out of conciousness."

"Oh, shit," Anubis said and promptly blacked out.

"Now, what shall I do to the rest of you?" Mandala mused as Sekhmet started breathing heavily.

  
  
  
  


Part Twelve:

I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite.

  
  


Kyra opened her eyes and sat up. She wasn't in her room and this wasn't the castle. She looked down at the bed she was sitting on, it was covered with pink lace. She looked down at herself. She matched the bed. 

Kyra screamed.

  
  


Anubis came to at the sound of Kyra's scream. "What are you doing to Kyra?!" he demanded of Mandala. Mandala wasn't there, and neither were the others.

  
  


"Sorry!" Mandala said, "I told the demons to put Dais in here, not you." 

Kyra looked her. "It's pink."

"It's Dais. Don't you think?"

"What are you up to, Mandala?" Kyra asked as she pulled the pink and lace off none to carefully. She threw the dress to the floor.

"I think you, Shuten, and I should have a little fun. Our wonderful Warlord of Cruelty will love this. This is what I have in mind," Mandala said as she helped Kyra into a kimono.

  
  


Mandala opened the door and looked up at the semi-concious Anubis. "Oni Ma Sho Sh'ten! Wake up!" 

Anubis opened his eyes just enough to see Mandala. "Are you going to let me down now?"

"Yes, actually. I need your help." Mandala pulled a ladder into the room and set it up to reach the chains holding Anubis' feet.

"Help? Why should I help you?"

"Because I think you'll absolutely love my idea. Kyra's helping right now."

"What did you do to her?"

"Actually, one of the demons made a mistake and put her in the wrong room."

"Wrong room?"

Mandala unlocked the lock and Anubis flipped over to land on his feet before he hit the ground. "Cat's always land on their feet," Mandala said. She handed him a kimono.

"This cat has an ogre underneath the pretty fur. Now, what do you mean the wrong room?" Anubis asked as he put on the robe.

"Here. I'll show you," Mandala said and led him out into the hall.

Dais woke up to a room full of pretty unicorn pictures and rainbows Lisa Frank would be proud of. Dais lay on a bed of lovely pink satin with lots of adorable frilly lace that he screamed. He scrambled off the bed and looked at the cute little canopy of pink lace that went over it. He looked around the overly pink and cheerful room and spied himself in the vanity mirror. 

He was wearing a gorgeous pink satin and frilly lace gown, way to small for his tender parts. His hair had been dyed a happy-perky blonde and was tied up in bouncy pig tails with little pink pon-poms. His black eye-patch had been exchanged for a bright pink silk one. He screamed again and tore off the entire ensemble.

He ran to the closet in search of normal clothing. He opened the closet door and found nothing but Notre Dame green and gold cheerleader outfits, the official ones. He ran to the dresser and opened it to find women's frilly silk and lace underwear and falsies for under the all lace bras. 

He ran to the window and opened it with the intent of throwing himself out of it and found metal bars painted a charming shade of pastel yellow blocking his suicide attempt. He screamed again.

  
  


Part Thirteen:

So many reasons for me to run and hide.

  
  


Sekhmet and Cale came to in a little children's room. They were wearing oversized nightshirts with kittens on the front. Sekhmet immediately tried to eat the kittens...on Cale's shirt.

  
  


"Honey!" Mandala called, "Are you up yet?" She opened the door to find Dais trying to bend the bars on the window so he could throw himself out. "Dahlia! What are you trying to do?! I thought you were happy living with me!"

"Mandala! What's going on?!" Dais yelled.

"Oh, Dahlia! I tried to make everything perfect for us! I even had the room made just for you! The way you liked it! Oh! Don't you love me anymore?"

Dais grabbed Mandala by the shoulders and shook her. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!?!?!?!?!?!!?!!!!???!!!!!"

"What's wrong with your voice, Dahlia? Where's your adorable accent?"

"What accent? Like, I don't haaaaavvvveeee an accent!"

"Yes, you do! It's coming back!"

"Like, whatever!"

  
  


"This is great!" Kyra laughed, "Now make him put on the pretties!"

"Can do, m'lady," Anubis said.

  
  


"Oh, Dahlia! You must get dressed! You can't do the housework naked!"

"Like, no way am I putting on that crap!" He pointed to the closet.

"But, you look so pretty in the cheerleader outfit! And it goes so well with your job!"

"My job?"

"The official cheerleader and pep rally organizer of the Nether Realm! Oh! That reminds me! You have a pep rally this afternoon!"

"Like, I am not putting on--" He stopped short as he suddenly found himself walking toward the dresser and putting on the pretty white lace thong panties, and a white lace bra with the falsies. Not being able to control his own body, Dais found himself moving toward the closet and the peppy(preppy?) Notre Dame cheerleader uniforms small enough to fit Kyra.

"Wait! Dahlia! You must shave your legs and your under arms!"

Dais screamed loud and long as he found himself unable to control his body from moving toward the pretty pastel blue bathroom with the soft orange safety razor.

  
  


Anubis and Kyra clinked their wine glasses together.

  
  


Dais stood in front of the bathroom mirror. Mandala wasn't letting him out of the bathroom until his legs were perfectly shaved and smooth, the pig tails were back in his hair, the pretty silk eye patch was covering the stitches in his left eye, and he had put on the make-up perfectly.

Dais shuddered and then wished he hadn't. Not only did the lace panties pull tighter, but the razor slipped and he knicked his knee. "Ouch! Like, how do you girls do this?!" he demanded the air.

"Are you ready for inspection?" Mandala called from the bedroom.

"INSPECTION?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

"Yes, inspection. You have to look perfect, you know. You're just a girl and I guess you're some kind of freak, because all the guys sit and stare with their eyes."

"Like, HELP!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Oh! And you still have to make dinner for Sekhmet and Cale, then put them to bed."

"WHAT?! Like, I CAN"T COOK!"

"Are you ready for the inspection yet?" Mandala opened the door. Dais sat on the edge of the pretty porcelian bath tub with nothing on but the dainty white lace lingerie. Mandala put her hands on her hips. "You can't come out until you get it right," she said, then closed and locked the door behind her.

Dais' scream could be heard through out the castle.

  
  


"Dinner's served, Kyra my dear," Anubis said as he set the medium rare strip steak on the table. "Would you like some wine with that?" 

"Yes, please."

  
  


"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" Mandala yelled, "YOU STILL DON'T HAVE IT RIGHT? DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN!" She slammed the door shut in Dais' face and locked it again. Dais looked in the mirror. 

"Like, what am I supposed to do? It's not as if I can, like, put on make-up." An idea suddenly occured to him. "ANUBIS!"

  
  


"Your steak is divine, Anubis," Kyra said. 

"ANUBIS!" they heard Dais scream.

"Would you like more potatoes?" Anubis asked, smiling as he ignored Dais.

Part Fourteen

Take a good look at me,

Just your typical prototype.

  
  


"There," Mandala said, "That looks better." Dais started at himself in the mirror and then broke down into tears. He had managed to get the pig tails right and fluffed and curled them. The perky cheerleader uniform had set off his gorgeous blue eyes to perfection. The cutesy green and gold pon-poms tied onto the pig tails matched the ones on his pretty white marching booties. The mild rose blush really highlighted his cheekbones to perfection, and the forest-tone brown eyeshadow accented with dark brown eyeliner really made his eye stand out.

"Like, please," he said in the uncontrollably annoying preppy Valley-Girl accent, "Please get me out of this," he begged.

"But, Dahlia," Mandala said, "Whatever do you mean? You know you still have to clean the castle, take care of Sekhmet and Cale, and do the pep rally later."

"Like, please get me out of these clothes," he whispered between sobs.

"Well, you don't have to beg." Mandala ripped the uniform off of Dais and pulled the pig tails out of his hair. She then threw him onto the bed. "Oh, you look so cute and ravishing like that."

"Like...what....?"

Mandala jumped onto the bed, ripped the lingerie off of him, and proceeded to take him with a ferocity known only to Klingon females.

"Like...(deep breath)...let me...(sigh)...like, be on top," Dais managed.

"But, Dahlia, you're always on the bottom!"

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

  
  


"Do you think we should...?"

"No, Kyra. Let him suffer."

  
  


"Hurry up in there! You still have to put Sekhmet and Cale to bed!" Mandala opened the door to the living room, where Dais was vacuuming and dusting at the same time in the peppy cheerleader uniform, with pon-poms in place.

"Like, done," he said.

"You missed a spot."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Part Fifteen:

What I've succumbed to is making me numb.

  
  


"SHUTEN!! I, like, KNOW YOU ARE, like, RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS IN SOME WAY SHAPE OR FORM! SO, like, GET ME OUT OF HERE, like, NOW OR I'LL, like, KILL YOU!!!!!!!!"

"Dahlia?" Mandala called, "Have you put Sekhmet and Cale to bed yet?" He looked at the other two Ma Sho who were rolling on the floor barely able to breath they were laughing so hard. He picked both of them up and dumped them in the red sports car shaped bed and pulled the blankets over them as they both passed out from lack of oxygen.

"Dahlia! Quick! We need your help!" Mandala cried. "Queen Beryl is attacking Tokyo again!" She handed Dais a wand. 

"What's this for?"

"It's your Sailor Scout Moon Wand! You're Sailor Uranus! Your special power is the Blue Butt Blast!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Oh, come on! You look great in the pretty peppy tiny mini skirt on the uniform! It shows off so much!"

"NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

  
  
  
  


"Split or no split?" Anubis asked.

"That's up to your sole discretion," Kyra said.

  
  


"Like, LOOK TO THE LEFT. Like, LOOK TO THE RIGHT. STAND UP, SIT DOWN! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" Dais yelled, finally resigning to his fate. He did a high kick, which gave the demon soldiers a gratuituous view of what was under his skirt. He jumped in the air and landed in a split.

As Dais screamed in pain, the crowd of demon soldiers cheered.

  
  


"Let him go now," Kyra said.

"Wait! I've got one last thing I want to do to him."

  
  


"Dahlia!" Mandala called, "Your date's here!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

  
  


Part Sixteen:

Lucky me.

  
  


Dais woke up to his own room and it's dark dankness. He looked around at the dark, spiderweb filled corners of the room and sighed with relief. He got up and smoothed his familiar brown and yellow kimono. He walked to the door and went up to the familiar kitchen. Anubis and Kyra were seated on the stools next to the island. They both sat calmly, drinking their morning tea.

"Good morning, Dais," Anubis said.

"Good morning, Carrot Top," he answered as he went to the cabinet. "Must have been a dream," he whispered to himself.

Mandala came in the kitchen. "Hey there, lover," she said to Dais.

"I..."

"Last night was unforgettable," she whispered in his ear. She picked up her tea and went into the living room as Cale and Sekhmet came into the kitchen. Cale was wearing his normal kimono, but Sekhmet was wearing a nightshirt with a hole in the front were the picture should be. 

"What the...?" he managed to get out.

"Look at this Kyra," Anubis said, "The paper says that moral among the demon soldiers it at an all time high."

"That's good. We'll have to have the volleyball game slash pep rally more often. You know, Dais, that was a great game you played yesterday. You need to work on your serve though."

Dais turned and walked out of the kitchen. 

"By the way, kyou looked great in the pig tails!" Anubis called.

Dais stopped dead in his tracks and pulled a lock of his hair white under his nose. It smelled like hair dye.

  
  



End file.
